You and your husband are going through a whole new level of bumpy.
Whatever’s going on between you, though, one of the best ways to deal with it is to write it out.
Put your thoughts and feelings into words.
Journaling is one way to do this.
But writing a letter to your husband, who shares responsibility for your marriage, can get you even closer to a solution.
So, where do you begin?
Why Write a Letter to Your Husband?
Writing a letter to your husband might sound quaint in today’s digital age, but it’s a potent tool for enhancing your relationship. This simple act can be transformational, promoting healing, boosting self-awareness, and fostering compassion.
Here are several compelling reasons why you should consider writing a letter to your husband:
- Clarity and Honesty: Letters allow you to articulate your feelings and thoughts clearly. This format helps you be direct and specific about what you’re feeling and why, which can be more challenging in verbal exchanges.
- Conflict Resolution: A letter gives your partner the space to process your words without the immediate need for a response. This can prevent the escalation common in face-to-face arguments, paving the way for understanding and compromise.
- Emotional Safety: Writing can serve as a buffer, softening the initial impact of a conversation about sensitive topics. It opens the door to more calm and focused verbal discussions later.
The ultimate goal of writing to your husband should be to improve your relationship, not to exacerbate issues. It’s important to approach this task with the right intentions, avoiding criticisms or passive-aggressive tones. Instead, focus on expressing:
- Healing and forgiveness
- Empathy and vulnerability
- Intimacy and kindness
- Understanding and respect
- Love and connection
A well-crafted letter can be a constructive way to express needs, ask for changes in behavior, or communicate boundaries in a respectful and caring way. It’s a profound tool for nurturing your relationship and ensuring both partners feel heard and valued.
How Do I Write An Emotional Letter to My Husband?
Troubled relationship letters aren’t necessarily a harbinger of doom.
More times than not, they’re an invitation to discuss the problems in your relationship and to get on the same page.
With that in mind, let’s get some dos and don’ts out of the way:
Letter-Writing Dos:
- Do be honest about how you feel, and don’t leave out anything important.
- Do remember to show appreciation for something he’s said or done.
- Do try to read it from your husband’s perspective before revising it.
Letter-Writing Don’ts:
- Don’t use this letter to accuse, blame, or criticize your partner.
- Don’t write the letter when you’re tired, angry, or intoxicated.
- Don’t skip the revision process.
[Sidebar]: You might consider the Couples Communication Course. In this online course, learn healthy communication skills and build the intimacy you’ve always wanted in your relationship.
Letter to My Husband During Difficult Times: 8 Sample Letter Ideas for Different Situations
Look through the following example letters for ideas on what to write to your husband or boyfriend regarding whatever you’re facing together.
Make a note of the points you want to make and anything you’d like to add to make your letter more personal.
1. Letter to Husband Who Hurt You
Dear Husband/[Name],
I know you’ve come to dread the words, “We need to talk,” so I’m trying a letter this time. I don’t want to leave you wondering why I’ve been pulling away from you lately, so it’s best just to be honest with you about something that happened the other day.
[Describe what happened in neutral language, without making assumptions about anyone’s intentions and without projecting your emotions on anyone. The way you see the incident in question is probably not how others perceive it.]
I’m writing this because I believe you would want to know if something you said or did has hurt me, so I’m letting you know. Please return the favor if there’s something I’ve said or done that has caused you pain.
I love you!
Your wife
2. Letter Telling Your Husband You Are Not Happy.
Dear Husband/[Name],
I don’t know what you’ve noticed in my behavior lately, and I’d like to hear any questions you might have.
Whatever we’re both going through right now—separately and as a couple—I want to be honest with you about what I’m feeling and what I’d like to do about it.
So, I’m writing this to let you know I am struggling. While I don’t blame you for this, I haven’t been happy for months now, and I’m still trying to pin down the reasons why.
What would really help me right now is if we could talk for at least an hour at a time at least once a week to check in with each other. I want to know where you are, too, because I want us both to be happy.
If you agree, what time works for you?
Your wife/[Your Name]
3. Letter to My Boyfriend During Difficult Times
Dear Boyfriend/[Name]:
You’ve always had a way of knowing when I need a hug, and I love that about you. Now that we’re going through this together, I’m gonna need more of those than ever.
I knew this situation would be challenging, but I doubt I could get through this without you. There’s no one else in the world I’d rather have with me.
I trust that, whatever happens, we will find a way together to work through it. And I hope you know I’m ready to do my part. Let’s talk about what we each need, and I’m committed to helping you get your needs met.
This situation has been so painful for both of us, but I hope you won’t withdraw. As we work this out (and I know we can), please keep me at your side instead of leaving me behind.
You have my trust and my whole heart.
Your girlfriend/[Your Name]
4. A Letter to My Husband About Our Relationship
Dear Husband/[Name],
I’ve noticed some changes in our marriage and would like to talk to you about them. Our regular check-in talks with each other have become far less frequent, and I’d like to reverse that trend and spend more time connecting with you.
I’ve been grateful for the connection we have, and I want us to spend time each week not only keeping it alive but making it stronger. I believe that’s possible because the foundation is still there.
I know we disagree on some things, but at our core, we make a phenomenal team. I know life can get in the way of couple-time, but this is me pushing back. I want to spend more time with you because you’re still my favorite person.
Please let me know what day and time work for you for an hour of talking (and whatever that might lead to).
Your wife/[Your Name]
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5. Sample Letter to Husband About Feeling Unwanted
Dear Husband/[Name]:
It’s not easy to write a letter about this, especially when I’m not sure whether writing this letter will lead to anything I want. But you need to know that I’ve been feeling not only taken for granted but even unwanted by you.
I remember the way you used to look at me, and that look isn’t there anymore. What I see more often now is boredom, distraction, condescension, or annoyance. I don’t remember the last time you looked genuinely happy to see me.
I know you’re busy with work and with everything else on your plate. But if you’ve fallen out of love with me or grown tired of me, please just tell me — with as much kindness as honesty. I won’t break.
So, talk to me, please. Let me know where we stand.
Your wife/[Your Name]
6. Encouragement Letter to My Husband
Dear Husband/[Name]:
I wanted to write this letter to tell you what I’ve noticed in you, which has helped me feel stronger despite the added stress and exhaustion we’re both feeling.
You seem to have just taken everything in and, with your trademark combination of intelligence and humility, reached a decision we can both feel good about, even though it’s not an easy one.
I have complete trust that, whatever happens, we’ll draw some good from it. Thank you for always hearing my input and considering my suggestions when you have such a tough decision to make. It’s one of the many things I love about you.
I hope this letter serves as a reminder of my trust in you. You’ve more than earned it. I love you and am continually impressed by you.
Love, your wife/[Your Name]
7. Letter to My Husband about Starting Couple’s Counseling.
Dear Husband/[Name]:
I don’t want every conversation we have about our marriage to turn into an argument. We need a skilled and patient referee to help us work through our challenges. I’ve done some digging and found someone I think we’ll both like, and she has an opening.
We have a tentative appointment set, but I can change it if a different time would be more convenient. Please talk to me after you finish reading this letter so I can tell you the date and time, and you can tell me whether you can be there.
If getting our marriage headed in a better direction is still something you want, I really hope you’ll be as ready to try this as I am.
I love you!
Your wife/[Your Name]
8. Lonely Wife Letter to Husband
Dear Husband/[Name]:
I often think about our early marriage days and all the fun times we spent together. Remember when spent that one rainy day talking for hours about our future and our dreams about a house and where we wanted to travel?
Life has become so busy for both of us, but especially for you with the demands of your job. I know it’s taking a toll on you, but it’s taking a toll on me, too — and on our marriage. I feel so lonely sometimes and miss the connection and fun we used to have.
I know you have to put in extra hours right now, but even when you’re with me, it feels like you’re somewhere else. You’re on your phone or computer at home more and more these days.
For the sake of our marriage and happiness, I need us to discuss this situation and how we can find more time to connect and be together — without distractions. When can we talk this week?
I love you so much and want to have the best marriage possible.
Your wife/[Your Name]
When to Write a Letter to Your Husband Who Hurt You
When you’re feeling hurt, it can be really tough to get your words out right in the heat of the moment. Writing a letter to your husband offers a quieter, more reflective way to let him know how you feel. It’s like having a heart-to-heart without the pressure of an immediate reaction. Here are some situations where putting pen to paper might just be the best approach:
- After a Betrayal: If your trust has been broken, a letter can help you express the depth of your hurt and the impact of his actions, facilitating a starting point for healing.
- Following a Major Argument: When a significant disagreement leaves you feeling misunderstood or disregarded, writing can clarify your perspective and express your feelings without interruption.
- When Feeling Neglected: If you feel overlooked or taken for granted, a letter can highlight your feelings of neglect, helping your husband understand your need for more attention and appreciation.
- During Ongoing Disagreements: For recurring issues that seem to circle without resolution, a letter can break the cycle by outlining your thoughts and expectations clearly, opening the door to potential solutions.
How to Give Your Emotional Letter to Your Husband
Here are some ideas on the timing and presentation of your letter:
- Try to avoid presenting it when he’s exhausted or agitated about something.
- Don’t present the letter right before bedtime or as he’s leaving for work.
- Find a calm time when you’re together to offer the letter and be present while he reads it.
- Don’t pester him to read it or quiz him on its contents.
- Let him decide when to read it and when to talk about it with you.
- If he avoids responding to it, ask for a specific time you can talk together.
- You can also use a shared notebook so that he can write a response.
You know your husband/boyfriend better than we do, and you probably have some idea of the best (or least worst) timing. Just remember to put your heart into your letter, keep it honest, and don’t try to guess how he’ll respond to it.
Final Thoughts
Navigating the choppy waters of marriage can be challenging, but remember that communication is the lighthouse guiding you to safety. Writing an emotional letter to your husband can be a cathartic and transformative experience.
In this letter, pour out your heart, express your deepest feelings, and reaffirm your commitment to the journey ahead. Be honest yet compassionate, highlighting both your love and your concerns. This isn’t just a letter, but a bridge built with words, spanning the gap between hearts.