“Turn off your email; turn off your phone; disconnect from the Internet; figure out a way to set limits so you can concentrate when you need to and disengage when you need to. Technology is a good servant but a bad master.” ~Gretchen Rubin
We live in truly extraordinary times. Where once letters and telegrams took days to reach the other side of the world, we can now send messages and emails at the push of a button; and social media has allowed us to connect with people from diverse backgrounds, helping us learn, grow, and aim for the stars.
The advancements in technology and science have afforded us such a vast array of benefits that it’s hard to argue with their cons. Yet our relationships, the very fabric of human existence, have deteriorated proportionately with the rise of technology and its increasing usage in daily life.
We now need reminders to disconnect ourselves from smart phones, tablets, PCs, and all sorts of gadgetry in order to just make time for ourselves to rest and tune out from the information overload.
Photographs of families gathered around the dining table, intently looking into their smart phones, might make for amusing viewing (and a fantastic photo essay), but they paint a picture that is not far from reality.
We’re so tuned into our virtual world these days that parents and children often have chats over DMs, SMS, or social media, even if they’re sitting in the next room, and sometimes right next to each other.
People have the time to ‘Instagram’ their fancy dinners or take quick selfies, as if it were second nature, but no one seems to have the time, patience, or inclination to reach out to those who’ve been with us all along, through our highs and lows.
It could be the parents who we’ve left behind in our small towns in pursuit of our dream career; it could be friends we’ve known since childhood but haven’t bothered asking about, simply because we fell out of touch; it could be that neighbor or teacher at school who always looked out for us; it could be someone going through a struggle in their life who needs our support, though they haven’t voiced it, because we’re captivated no longer by people present around us but by technology.
When I was growing up, both my parents were working, as was the case in most working-class households; my time was spent between a daycare center, school, and home, where quality time with my parents was at a premium.
However, the early nineties were relatively gadget-free. There were no phone calls after work and no email checking all the time; nine-to-five shifts seemed quite productive, and no one was carrying work back home on a laptop. So, when we gathered together around the table at dinnertime, we were very much present; distractions were far fewer, and no one was posing with a phone to photograph our food or post it online.
We didn’t fret over the possibility of presidents and leaders starting a WW3 on Twitter or spend time researching which crazy selfie pose would garner us more Facebook likes. I remember sending handwritten letters to my cousins just to stay in touch and waiting expectantly for Christmas cards during the holidays. There were simple joys to be had, even in the mundane.
We share so much over social media—our favorite foods, brands, clothes, and lifestyle choices—and there’s so much visual information overload that we end up believing everything we see and read in the media.
We live in the era of fake news; we’re slowly but surely losing our ability to stay in touch with reality and discern what’s true and not. What we see online about other people’s lives becomes our unconscious standard for how things should be in our own lives.
We’re losing touch with ourselves and our truth. You don’t have to keep up with the Kardashians; you have to keep up with your own inner circle of loved ones.
The virtual world is fascinating; you can choose to be who you want to be, and people are going to believe what you put out there even if you do not bear any resemblance to your online persona in real life. The communication is often impersonal—surface conversations that spare you the hassle of emotions, of feeling deeply. It’s easier to be lost in virtual space than to confront harsh realities.
Two hundred thousand followers on Twitter or a million subscribers to a website do not necessarily translate into the same number of trustworthy relationships you can bank on. Sure, you can campaign successfully for a social good fundraiser with that many followers, but can you count on them during a time of personal crisis?
Many people view the virtual space as an escape from reality, which is not only damaging our emotional development but is also detrimental to our relationships in the real world. While there is that resounding minority that has managed to forge meaningful friendships online and has benefited from professional associations through networking, personal relationships have undergone a transformation of sorts. The online world has become our confessional, our confidante, and our record keeper.
Isn’t it ironic then that, despite having everything at the click of a mouse or an app, we’re hardly able to communicate, share, and confide openly within our own families? When was the last time you had a heart-to-heart with your own spouse, kids, siblings, or parents? Does connecting with them deeply have to wait till Thanksgiving, Christmas, date nights, or summer holidays when you can do this just as easily every day?
Sometimes, you may not even have anything new to share, but those are the times you can let them know how much they mean to you. When it comes down to needing an encouraging hug, you still need a human in your non-virtual reality.
We should be living in a way that doesn’t make relationships with our loved ones subject to our busy schedules. We shouldn’t need reminders to make time for those closest to us, be they members of our household, parents, siblings, or friends.
Most of us have the time (or can make the time!) to engage in friendly banter and entertain ourselves with every piece of media, news, or gossip online; however, we find it challenging to direct this enthusiasm to our relationships at home or with those we’re emotionally close with that physically live far from us.
This is part of the reason why more and more people are looking online for ways to cope with personal struggles—because there’s no one at home or in their immediate environment who has time to hear them out.
There’s no doubt that the interconnectedness and shared information we have access to in the virtual space is a boon and that social media and networking have afforded us amazing connections as we walk forward with a collective consciousness. But let’s not lose sight of the people and relationships we’ve built our lives’ foundations with. No one’s too busy to make time for another.
Make time for your loved ones by disconnecting from your virtual world.
Your smartphone isn’t going to die if it doesn’t hear from you. But your parents may be disheartened that they no longer receive a phone call from their beloved child except on a major holiday; and your kids and spouse may miss telling you the things they so badly want to share because you’re too busy scrolling on your phone.
Though we can absolutely forge deep bonds online, it’s crucial that we don’t lose our connection to the people right in front of us.
Here are a few steps to help you connect meaningfully with the people in your life more often.
1. If you’re on multiple social media platforms, streamline and bring the number of platforms you actively use down to three. If you’re super crunched for time, use these platforms alternatively throughout the week. Schedule time for social media but cut out unnecessary browsing.
2. Clear out unwanted apps from your smartphone so that you have fewer things to distract you. Call it an app spring cleaning.
3. Read up on productivity-boosting tips or time management so that you’re better equipped to give everyone in your family your undivided attention.
4. Have your dinner with the television off, disconnected from the Internet. If that’s the only time you and your family have together, make the most of it.
5. Make time for some sort of spiritual practice that you and your family can engage in before you retire for the night. It could be praying, meditating, reading/sharing a reflection, or reciting a positive affirmation or an expression of gratitude for the day. You do not have to be religious to be engaged in a spiritual practice!
6. Volunteer for a social good project in your local community with your friends, siblings, or family.
7. Take up any group hobby that doesn’t require staying online—like cooking, painting, or dancing… the list can go on.
8. Plan a picnic and get together regularly in an outdoor environment close to nature. Spending more time in nature is known to be soothing and relaxing, and it makes it easier to switch off your phone!
9. Lost touch with friends living far away? Don’t succumb to the easy route by sending a message over SMS, Whatsapp, or email. Jot down your favorite memory and send a postcard. Or, if you have more time on your hands, an old-fashioned letter would be absolutely delightful.
10. Flowers have a way of conveying a whole lot of things without saying much—even a hand-tied bunch of wildflowers. And they’re known to perk up even the most insipid of days. If you feel anyone is in need of a gesture like that, send them a bunch and make them smile!
11. Return to the joys of simple living with people you love: wake up early to watch the sunrise; walk on wet grass or the sandy shorelines of a beach; inhale the aroma of freshly baked bread or the scent of flowers in a vase; write ‘thank you’ notes often; be mesmerized by the skies at night—look for the constellations, the shooting stars, and the moon. There’s a lot of joy to be had when you disconnect from technology!
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For our relationships to thrive, we must learn to prioritize both our own well-being and that of our loved ones. When you’re giving them the time and attention they need, they’ll feel more loved and confident about themselves, something no one can get through technology alone.
We need to return to the basics of human loving, caring, and sharing. Unplug from your devices and plug yourself into the healing power of stronger, deeper relationships.
About Andrea Johnson
Andrea Johnson is a non-profit consultant, a sustainable fashion advocate, and an aspiring writer. She is passionate about sustainability, social enterprises, inclusion, and accessibility. You can find her tweeting at @Andrea_rosej.