Why Do People Stay in Relationships with Narcissists?
One of the most confusing questions is why people, especially empaths, stay in relationships with narcissists despite ongoing emotional manipulation and abuse. There are several psychological, emotional, and societal reasons that contribute to this pattern.
- Manipulation and False Promises
- Difficulty Accepting Reality
- Low Self-Worth and Programming
- Spiritual Bypassing and the Hope for Change
- Societal and Gender Expectations
Narcissists are often skilled manipulators, making grand promises to change or improve the relationship. They may engage in love-bombing, showering their partner with attention and affection, only to retract it once the partner is emotionally hooked. These cycles of hope and disappointment keep the partner tethered, believing that the narcissist will eventually follow through on their promises. The intense emotional highs and lows make it hard for the person to step back and recognize the reality of the situation.
Admitting that a relationship is toxic or abusive can be incredibly difficult. The dynamic between a narcissist and their partner is often so intense that it feels overwhelming to accept the truth: that the narcissist won’t change, and the relationship is causing harm. Instead of confronting the pain and making the hard decision to leave, it may feel easier to give the narcissist the benefit of the doubt, hoping things will get better.
Many people who stay in relationships with narcissists have been unconsciously programmed to feel unworthy of better treatment. Whether through childhood experiences or past relationships, they may have internalized the belief that they don’t deserve a healthier, more loving relationship. In some cases, cultural or familial expectations of loyalty and commitment—such as “staying true to your marriage vows no matter what”—can reinforce the idea that leaving is not an option, even in the face of emotional abuse.
Another powerful factor is the belief that the narcissist will eventually change or “come around” to fulfill the promises they’ve made. This hope, while often rooted in compassion and empathy, is also a form of spiritual bypassing. Instead of acknowledging the narcissist’s harmful behavior and setting boundaries, the person may convince themselves that staying kind, forgiving, and spiritually grounded will eventually heal the relationship. This allows them to avoid the uncomfortable truth: that sometimes, the only way forward is to leave.
Many women, in particular, have been socialized to believe that loyalty and self-sacrifice are virtues to be upheld, even at the cost of their own well-being. These beliefs can lead to a deep sense of obligation to stay in a relationship, no matter how harmful it becomes. The unconscious belief that “a good partner stays no matter what” can make it incredibly difficult to walk away from a narcissist, especially if the person feels responsible for the relationship’s success.