Don’t let his disrespect poison your marriage.
Is his disrespectful and rude behavior making you feel unloved and neglected? If he’s dismissing your feelings, saying unkind things to you, or ignoring your needs, it’s time to take action before things go from bad to worse.
Here are 13 marriage-saving tips to help you deal with your husband’s disrespect.
1. Be the change you want to see.
First things first, take a moment to reflect on your own actions. Do you find yourself dishing it back when he lashes out? Maybe brushing off his feelings or disregarding his opinions? If so, you might both be caught in a never-ending cycle of miscommunication.
Regardless of who’s at fault, setting a good example by respecting him is key. Remember, you don’t have to see eye to eye, but maintaining civility and speaking the way you’d like to be spoken to can make all the difference.
2. Check your own insecure behaviors.
Jealousy and neediness may stem from a fear of losing your partner. This behavior could trigger your husband’s disrespect.
Relying on your husband to constantly reassure you can create a wedge between you. He may resort to belittling your concerns to let you know that not every issue is his responsibility.
Managing your daily emotional needs on top of his own might be too overwhelming, so try to find a balance and address these insecurities together.
3. Put it in writing.
Maybe he’s not hearing you out and understanding the impact of your words. When you express hurt feelings verbally, he may jump to defensiveness rather than considering your perspective.
Writing a note could help your words sink in. Reading your thoughts in writing removes him from a face-to-face confrontation and provides clear, physical evidence of how his disrespect is impacting you.
4. Honestly examine his criticisms of you.
It’s possible that he has valid points about certain behaviors, even if his delivery is less than tactful. This isn’t about blaming yourself, but recognizing that no one in a marriage is entirely perfect or imperfect.
If he’s voicing why he struggles to respect you, use that as an opportunity for self-improvement and remove his excuses for disrespect. Show that you’re open to constructive feedback, and set an example of mutual respect.
5. Try to reestablish closeness and connection.
During peaceful moments, engage him in conversations that foster connection. Express genuine interest in his thoughts and emotions, encouraging him to open up and share his inner world.
By building emotional intimacy and trust, you create a powerful counterbalance to disrespectful behavior. Trust can be the key to breaking down the walls of disrespect.
6. Stay calm when sharing your pain around his disrespect.
Before reacting, take a moment to calm yourself. Try counting to ten or take a few deep breaths to prevent an angry response. Then, assertively communicate your boundaries by saying something like, “I don’t appreciate the way you’re talking to me” or “Please stop putting me down.”
Using this approach signals to your husband that he’s crossed a line. Often, people don’t realize the impact their words have until it’s pointed out.
7. Uphold your boundaries and demand respect.
Stand up for yourself by using phrases such as, “A loving husband doesn’t speak to his wife like that,” or “I deserve respect and expect you to treat me better.”
Over time, being patient and forgiving may have unintentionally allowed him to take you for granted. This dynamic can erode your self-esteem. To break this cycle, insist on a baseline level of respect and courtesy from your spouse.
8. Walk out of the room or leave the house.
Rather than letting disrespectful encounters escalate into heated, unproductive arguments, put an end to the situation.
If necessary, physically remove yourself from the environment to emphasize that his behavior is unacceptable. This approach may nudge him to reflect on his actions and consider the consequences of his disrespectful treatment.
9. Maintain a civil tone of voice.
Your tone of voice will likely have a greater impact on him than the words themselves. When explaining how his words hurt you, try to maintain a composed and polite demeanor.
While staying calm may be difficult, it sets an example of appropriate behavior for your husband and demonstrates your needs within the relationship.
10. Record one of his disrespectful encounters with you.
Try recording one of your interactions on your phone to gain valuable insights and provide concrete evidence of his behavior. Listen to the recording and reflect on the situation like a coach analyzing a game.
Assess your actions and your husband’s behavior. Was he genuinely disrespectful, or did he have a point? Play specific clips for him that demonstrate his disrespect.
Ask thought-provoking questions like, “Do you think your words express love?” or point out, “This is an example of how you’ve hurt me.”
11. Reach out to a third party for help.
Consider enlisting the help of a trusted friend, mentor, or close family member. Share your concerns and ask if they can discuss the issue with your husband, emphasizing how deeply his behavior is affecting you.
Sometimes, people only recognize a problem when an outside party validates it. If your husband holds this person in high regard, their feedback may make him realize that his actions are causing him to lose respect from others, not just you.
12. Ask him to go to marriage counseling.
A marriage counselor can help you address these communication issues before they really harm your marriage. They provide actionable strategies to replace harmful language with more loving communication that rebuilds your emotional intimacy.
Even if your spouse refuses to attend sessions, a counselor can still offer valuable guidance to bolster your self-esteem and cultivate healthier communication patterns.
13. Shift your focus to other parts of your life.
Invest more energy in your career, volunteer for causes you care about, and spend time with people who genuinely respect and appreciate you. As you fill your life with meaningful activities, your husband may eventually notice and voice concerns about feeling left out.
Seize this moment to address his disrespectful behavior. If he finally listens, great! If not, at least you’re living a fulfilling life surrounded by things that bring you joy.