It’s a great question, one I’m actually asked quite frequently but am a little apprehensive to answer because there is no biblical mandate on this.
With that said, you can dress however you want really, BECAUSE there is nothing in the Bible to tell you to do a certain thing or not do a certain thing. You can take liberty in this area.
But I will share with you a biblical guideline that I think is worth considering.
Most always, the longer you’re married, the less you take care of yourself.
The man gets a “beer belly”. The woman stops wearing makeup around the house. They both don’t really have to impress anyone anymore, so they stop trying.
I think that this leads to temptation for the man and here I will speak directly from the man’s perspective. Like it or not, this is what your guy is thinking, he’s just not telling you because he’s polite.
When a wife is married 5+ years, she’s just taking the relationship and her husband for granted. She got lazy, comfortable. So she’s not getting dressed, not wearing makeup, her hair is in a messy bun, she’s comfortable. Problem is, her husband sees other women all dressed up when he’s out and about, knows he has a lazy, unmade-up woman at home and it’s not a turn-on to him anymore, so he’s tempted with other women.
He begins to read into the situation that his wife is not putting forth any effort into her appearance for HIM (oh yes, she dresses and puts on makeup when she goes somewhere, but that’s for other people, not HIM) and he starts to feel like she doesn’t care about him. “Why isn’t she putting forth effort for ME?” he thinks to himself. He starts to feel unappreciated, not respected, not cared for, not loved, not getting the attention from you he wants.
We, as women, allow the world to choke out our romance. There’s kids and playing taxi, driving them all over the place and school lunches and dinners and cleaning and a hundred other things the girl is doing.
SHE feels like she’s working hard, doing enough, running a house, keeping a home, taking care of the kids and so the priority for her husband, the priority for romance goes out the window over time, like a slow air leak out of a balloon.
For him, it’s the same way. He stops caring so much. He already HAS the girl, he doesn’t have to chase her, pursue her anymore and both of them, start to feel too comfortable around each other and take each other for granted. I see this time and time and time again and it’s NOT what I want in a marriage.
Men- you need to pursue and chase your wife even after marriage. When you don’t, she becomes bitter and starts with unconsciously withhold sex because she feels you don’t care about her. Take care of your body and your health. Every day of your life. Same with women. Pursue your husband!
That doesn’t mean that we, ladies, have to wear high heels and skirts around the house. But there is one question I want you to consider.
If you are getting dressed up for church, when you see your friends, or even to run errands (whenever you leave the house), why are you not also dressing up for your husband? Is he not more important than that?
Because I can tell you with full confidence, HE is reading it like you value your friends, even the world, strangers, more than him! He feels unloved. He’s not worth your effort, your time.
And it’s true. You’re showing that you care more about a stranger than him. He’s got a point in how he’s thinking about things. He’s right!
I think the simplest thing to do is to start caring.
It’s a matter of the heart. You care about your husband, you want to please him in all areas, you don’t want him thinking he’s not loved or that you don’t care about him.
So even as a mom running taxi all day and doing all you do, you should put forth effort into how you look FOR your husband.
I’ve found a couple tricks that have really helped ME as I’ve personally changed this in myself (in order to prepare for marriage).
First things first. You’ll want to start waking up about 45 mins. before everyone else. Let your husband sleep. Let your kids sleep.
First thing I do when I wake up is wash my face (with a good cleanser- taking care of myself), brush my teeth, comb my hair, those sorts of things. I put on eyeliner (that is a 24-hour eyeliner) and make myself look presentable, not dressed, but if I needed to leave the house within 3 mins. I easily could. I’m ready. I think getting ready for your day like that, really helps you be PREPARED FOR your day.
Next, I quickly check my stuff (emails, blog, etc.) and then spend time with God. When my husband wakes up, I could go to him, lay back in bed with him, kiss him, be intimate. Men like to be intimate first thing they wake up.
After that, the kids are waking up and you can start your day.
Anytime you go to the bathroom during the day, start making it a habit to reapply makeup, check your hair, those sorts of things. That way, you’re always freshened up. You don’t have to put on concealer and foundation and go the whole distance here, but simple eyeliner, hair not a rats nest 😆, those sorts of things. Just look presentable. 😊
At night, some time before bed, I spend 30 mins to an hour on a beauty routine in front of the mirror. Grooming, wearing a mask to keep my skin nice, things like that. When married, this is a good time for him to have alone time doing whatever he wants.
But that way, no matter when you see your husband or what his schedule is, you’re always looking freshened up, groomed, and he feels respected, loved, cherished, like he’s worth your time and effort (and he is!!)
As for how to dress, your clothes, that is different for everyone. If you’re constantly running errands all day long, you’ll need to be dressed anyway and that’s fine. For me, I work from home. I don’t HAVE TO get dressed during the day and I don’t. When I get married, I don’t want to be dressed all day either, I want to be comfortable. But I still want to please my guy. So for me, in my particular situation, that meant, getting some jammies that are comfy AND sexy at the same time.
I wear a black shirt that on me, because I’m well, shorter (5’3), the shirts are more like dresses on me. So, I run around all day in that shirt/dress. It will be sexy to a guy because it’s a very SHORT dress. It’s comfy to me because it’s really just a comfy shirt. So I’ve found something that works for me.
I’m thankful I don’t have kids at home, I’m done with that part of my life, and just want to spend all my time on my husband, never having kids at home again. I want my life to be about my husband and God. That’s just me.
For you, that may be different. If you have kids at home, running around in a super short dress that barely covers your bum is not going to work! 😆
You have to do what works for you. But there is a way you can be comfortable and still look good to your husband, so that he knows you’re considering his desires too. You’ll have to find that balance, and every case will be different.
One husband I talked to who was going through divorce, he likes jeans. He likes it when his wife wears jeans. So, she could wear jeans more. Make an effort to wear jeans more, knowing he likes it.
Each guy likes different things. You’ll need to determine what that is and make an effort to do that more. Not every second of every day, but more. Maybe wearing jeans twice a week or something if your husband likes that, for example.
Get to know what he likes, what he doesn’t, and add more of what he likes into your week. As long as you’re making an effort, out of a love and respect for him, you’ll be fine. There’s no hard and fast rules here, it’s just more of a matter of the heart. ❤️