I think that so often times we read the story of Jonah and think…
“Wow, Jonah is so bad. I’m not like that. I would have forgiven the people in Nineveh if I were in that situation.”
“I would have gone to them to ask them to repent.”
“I would have never held a grudge like that.”
“He really hated them. He should have been more compassionate to them, wanting them to be saved.”
But if we are genuinely honest with ourselves, taking the time to reflect on our hearts and attitudes, there’s a little bit of Jonah in all of us.
We know that the people in our lives, our enemies, those that attack us, deserve punishment because of their sin and yet we see them, getting along in life, not being punished.
But we know that God is fair and so we cry out for His justice to rain down and take care of the situation (imprecatory prayers- save us, punish the offender, make things right), but like in the situation with Jonah, we only see God being merciful to the person who’s attacking us and we wonder why.
Don’t they get the same standard as us, because woah, when WE mess up, God sure does chastise and punish. Why do THEY get to go free?! Why is nothing happening to THEM?
It’s hard to watch sometimes.
We want to see vindication.
We want to see justice.
We want to see God’s mercy upon us, the innocent. We’re not out there taking our own revenge, we’re leaving it up to God (Romans 12:19), but He seems so silent.
God understands exactly who’s innocent and who’s at fault, but He does call us to more, to deal with abuse in relationships in a godly and honorable way, even when you don’t feel like it or it seems like He’s doing anything about it.
How to Deal With Abuse in Relationships
A while back I was attacked again, by my ex-husband. He is just being really mean, constantly using his words as daggers to me and there’s not really a whole lot I can do about it.
Because of the kids, I’m bound to him in a talking relationship and it’s not fun.
I continually ask him to live in peace (Romans 12:18) and it’s just never effective. The abuse and lies continue, well after the marriage is over.
He feels like he can speak to me however he wishes and his heart is incredibly deceived and full of hatred and bitterness that he’s created for himself due to his lifestyle choices. He’s not saved and so he can’t see anything clearly, how things REALLY are, so the fault is always everyone else’s and he plays the “good guy” card.
I’ve taken steps to block him on my phone so he can’t text me and his emails automatically go to a folder, instead of straight to my inbox, so that I only have to check it very seldom. These have been really great steps for me in order to keep him out of my life and away from me as much as humanly possible, in order to live in peace.
But I think of Jonah and how I wish God would just punish him and get him away from me forever. That I’d never have to deal with him and his abusive ways EVER again.
Maybe you are struggling with a relationship that is abusive as well, someone treating you so badly and you’re just not sure what to do.
I can tell you for a fact, that being like Jonah, indifferent to the person, is not what God’s called us to do. I can also say with full confidence that God DOES take care of our enemies when we are innocent. Look at David and how God protected him from Saul, chasing him and seeking his life.
And for my ex-husband, I want to update this post to say that, “YAY! I never have to talk to him again now. The kids are out of the house now and I. AM. FREE. of him!!! Forever. 
Praise the Lord! 
In fact, anytime he wants to talk to me, I have instructed my daughter to relay his message to me. I refuse to talk to him directly, ever again. My daughter, thankfully, is pretty responsible and has handled it extremely well when it’s come up in the past.
I cannot tell you how happy this has made me! He’s finally out of my life, for good! YAY! 
But what about times when you can’t be away from the constant abuser? How should you handle it in the meantime?
There are some things that can really help you, as you deal with relationships and people that are abusive in nature.
1) God WILL punish
Understand that God WILL punish in His own perfect timing. He is way more patient than we are. It may not be in our time.
God knows when the perfect timing is to exact justice in order that the maximum results are derived from every single possible angle.
Think of it like this. We often see life as “killing one bird with one stone”. God, in His vast foreknowledge and wisdom, can see all angles and always tries to “kill as many birds with one stone” as possible.
So He will sometimes wait to disperse punishment until JUST the right moment, in order to achieve maximum success to whatever goal He’s trying to accomplish. Maybe that’s their repentance. He will break them down over time and then hit with a strong whammy at the end, to really get them on their knees to repent.
Because we all know that repentance is His ultimate goal. He always wants to see everyone repent and living their lives for Christ.
If He’s broken them down and they still do not repent (He is very loving-kind), then at that point, He will destroy, but He always gives a chance for repentance, to everyone – saved and unsaved.
Therefore, punishment must wait in many cases, because He is allowing and aligning all events to work toward getting as many results as possible from that one event.
His timing is impeccable, His strategy is always spot on, and He knows exactly what He’s doing.
Because He knows exactly what He’s doing, because He sees it from every angle, because we know (and have taken the time to pray and make sure we are blameless in the situation), we can rest assured that He WILL take care of it, making things fair, and our job then simply becomes to…
2) Leave it in God’s very capable hands
Who better to fight for you and your character in Christ than God Himself (Exodus 14:14)?! I can assure you that I’ve had a couple enemies in my day, one being my ex-husband, and I’ve seen ALL of them punished and if they were unwilling to stop persecuting me for no reason, destroyed.
I remember one lady who was making my life pretty tough, spewing out all kinds of lies and negativity about me, trying to get others to hate me, even though I did nothing wrong to her or anyone else in that situation.
God completely allowed her to be buried. I mean, I’ve NEVER seen so much punishment upon one person before. Wow! He REALLY creamed her. And the only reason I know about it is because a friend of mine met her happenstance-like and told me everything that happened to her.
I mean, she was pummeled. And yet she continued to say she was innocent but many people had charge against her, came forward publicly, and collectively, ultimately destroyed her. I had no part in that. I simply tried to be in peace, but that didn’t work (due to her sin), so I shook the dust off my feet (Matthew 10:14) and left the situation and heard about it later.
What I learned from that situation is that God cares about our testimony as believers in Christ and if others are going around trying to destroy our credibility, God will handle it, pretty severely.
He gave her plenty of time to repent, she didn’t, and she was ultimately destroyed. HER character to the world, publicly shamed (Psalm 141:10) and everyone found out what a jerk she really was. That’s God’s vindication! 
Him proving to the world who’s really at fault and who’s really innocent!
Point is, God WILL punish and it’s because we know He’s fair and good and perfect that we CAN leave everything to Him.
But be warned. We should never take revenge on someone else. If we do, we may be wrong. Maybe they ARE right and we don’t see it. We see it only from our point of view and if we seek vengeance upon them, then they cry out to God to save them, and WE become the offender to which God will punish.
Likewise, think about it from a purely humanistic point of view. If let’s say I seek revenge on someone, I can only do so much. But God, can completely obliterate someone (again, think Saul chasing David to kill him; Saul ended up dead! Saul’s lust for the title of kingship, greed for popularity, and jealousy of someone better than him ultimately led to his own death).
David was going to be triumphant anyway, but if Saul didn’t chase David to kill him and invoke imprecatory prayers upon himself from David, he wouldn’t have lost his own life. God gave Saul plenty of chances to repent, so did David. David could have killed him but didn’t take his own revenge. He let God handle it.
We CANNOT stop the will of God (Job 42:2). David was going to become king anyway, Saul didn’t HAVE TO lose his life over it. 
As difficult as it can be sometimes, we have to leave it all in God’s hands. We have to understand that there are things we cannot see. We don’t know everything about the situation and whatever it is we DO see, is only a small fraction of the reality going on in the situation.
We must leave everything in His very capable hands and let Him deal with it, casting our burdens upon Him (Psalm 55:22) and letting Him lead us.
We need to be in a place in our hearts of praying for HIS will, not our own secret (and often selfish) desires.
3) See them how God sees them
Pray and ask God to see them how HE sees them, through His infinite wisdom and care. He loves them, just as much as He loves you. He does not wish any should perish (2 Peter 3:9), including your enemies.
While we should want to seek God’s righteousness and fairness in all situations, we also have to remember that we were once sinners too, separated from Christ and HIS enemy in all things.
While He could have fairly destroyed us in our sin, He gave us many chances to give our life to Him, allowing us to see Him (through creation, through others around us, through the cross, etc.) and we should always hope and desire that genuine repentence take place in the hearts of our enemies and those who persecute us (Matthew 5:44).
It is only after a period of time goes on that they have been confronted in their sin (either by you, by someone else, or by God) and are not repentant and they do not stop attacking us, belittling us, or trying to destroy us, should we pray an imprecatory prayer against them, for our hearts should always seek their best FIRST (Philippians 2:3) and their best is Jesus Christ.
That repentance IS possible. I’ve personally seen it!
There once was a man who his whole family gave up on, including his very close brother. But I didn’t see him as they all saw him, someone too far gone, and I invested time in him and we became best friends. He gave his life to Christ within days of my meeting him and talking to him.
For the first time, he felt understood and cared about. He realized he was chasing love his whole life from the wrong people (people and not God) and God saved him through me. He’s a genuine believer now and it’s incredible to know and have watched the whole thing unfold.
So if you are of the opinion that some are just too far gone, they might not be. There’s always hope. This man was elect, and no one knew it! Praise the Lord that He doesn’t give up on us.
With that said, God is also just and will absolutely punish unrepentant sin, but that is HIS domain to decide when that is, NOT yours. Be sure you are not seeking your own vengeance (Romans 12:17-19) and that you’re letting Him work in the situation.
4) Forgive them
They may not deserve to be forgiven and forgiving someone definitely doesn’t mean to continue to allow people to continue to abuse you (whether physically, spiritually, or emotionally).
It also doesn’t mean that if you forgive someone, you’re saying what they did was right or condoning their behavior or lifestyle in any way. You’re simply not letting THEIR sin cause YOU to sin (Matthew 6:14-15).
An unforgiving heart can lead to bitterness, if not checked at the door, and many other sins, including anger and indignation.
You want to make sure that you’re always forgiving people, saved or unsaved, and not living in a manner that holds onto their sins (Matthew 7:3-5).
Let the situation go and if needed, let the person go as well, which brings us to the next point…
5) Shake the dust off your feet and leave
If they are attacking you or abusing you and after you’ve asked them kindly to stop, if they do not stop, you need to step back from the relationship, possibly even ending it.
Why?
We are called to live in peace (Romans 12:18), not pieces.
It means we do not allow others to cut us to pieces, especially if they are hostile toward us. We cannot control them, but we don’t have to sit there and take it either.
If you’re over 18, for example, and not living with your parents, and they are treating you very badly, the Bible calls us to honor our parents (Ephesians 6:2) right, so how do we handle that?
Respect them, but back off from the relationship.
If they are treating you like dirt, then you don’t have to be super involved in their life. The Bible says respect them, it doesn’t say, spend oodles and oodles of time with them. When they are bad to you, leave them alone. When they are kind, spend time with them. Over time this will help them understand it’s not okay to treat someone badly.
If they are hostile toward you, provoking conflict, be respectful and tell them what’s bothering you. If they don’t agree with you, that’s not really your problem. Again, we can’t control other people; all we can do is point them to the truth and pray they are able to hear and accept it and more importantly, change bad behavior.
If it’s a friend who’s treating you badly and you’ve talked to them about it and it continues with no apology, it’s probably time to leave the friendship. Shake the dust off your feet (Matthew 10:14), knowing you’ve done your best in the situation and leave it all to God, meanwhile praying for their hearts to be turned back to God.
If you are being physically abused, you need to get to a safe place immediately. If you’re married, that means to remove yourself from the situation and get safe. It does not automatically mean divorce, but it does mean that you need to be safe from harm (this also applies to your children as you are their protector).
If you are living with someone (whom you’re not married to) and they are physically abusing you, it’s time to leave the relationship and do not look back.
People often do not change and if they are doing this to you while not married, they are just going to harm you worse when married.
You deserve better and can find a man to treat you with love and gentleness. It may mean waiting a while to find him, but pray a lot about it and seek God’s will.
Please also understand that it is not God’s will to be physically intimate with someone outside of marriage, so leaving a live-in situation is a good idea also in order that you be free from habitual, sexual sin.
If it’s your parents physically abusing you, get help. Seek help from your local church, a counselor, or police if needed. Physical abuse is not okay.
6) Pray for your heart
After you’ve done all that, it’s important to make sure that your OWN heart is 100% free and clear of sin. Make sure that nothing they are saying to you is true, through prayer, and make sure that your heart toward them, the situation, and others is all aligned with God.
You want to make sure that you do not get bitter or allow unforgiveness to stir in your heart. It’ll only hurt YOU in the long run!
Also, remember how we talked about God punishing unrepentant sin above? This is a great time to make sure our own hearts are free of that. I pray so very often that God forgive me of my sins, but also for the sins that I don’t know about.
Because we all sin, all the time and it’s important to pray for forgiveness of the sins we commit every day that we have no clue we are committing. In this way, we can be sure our hearts are free of sin as Jesus washes away our sins and removes them from us as far as the east is to the west (Psalm 103:12).
My prayers go something like this…
Lord, I know that I’ve messed up and failed you in some way today. I’m so sorry. I ask that you forgive me for known AND unknown sins and that you help me to understand how I’ve sinned when I’m unaware of it, in order that I learn and grow to become a better Christian. Please line my heart and thoughts up to you, take care of me today, and help me to always see things from your angle, the most perfect point of view there is. Shepherd me, Lord. Guide me to where I’m supposed to be and what I’m supposed to do. Keep me safe in your everlasting loving arms and help me to become more like you this very day in some way, even if it’s in a small way. Let my heart be lined up to your glory, Lord. Amen.