Personal Development

Sheila Heen — The right way to Grasp the Troublesome Artwork of Receiving (and Giving) Suggestions (#703)

14 November 2023
Bourahima


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Sheila Heen has spent the final three a long time working to grasp how folks can higher navigate battle, with a specific specialty in troublesome conversations. 

She is a founding father of Triad Consulting Group, a professor at Harvard Regulation Faculty, and a co-author of Thanks for the Suggestions: The Science and Artwork of Receiving Suggestions Nicely (even when it’s off base, unfair, poorly delivered, and, frankly, you’re not within the temper), with Douglas Stone, and Troublesome Conversations: The right way to Focus on What Issues Most, with Douglas Stone and Bruce Patton (with a newly up to date third version that was launched in August).

Sheila and her colleagues at Triad work with leaders and organizations to construct their capability to have the conversations that matter most. Her shoppers have included Pixar, American Specific, the NBA, the Singapore Supreme Courtroom, the Obama White Home, and theologians fighting the character of fact and God.

She is schooled in negotiation each day by her three kids. You’ll find my first dialog with Sheila at tim.weblog/SheilaHeen.

Please take pleasure in!

Hearken to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Overcast, Podcast Addict, Pocket Casts, Castbox, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music, or in your favourite podcast platform. You may watch the interview on YouTube right here.

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The transcript of this episode may be discovered right here. Transcripts of all episodes may be discovered right here.

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#703: Sheila Heen — The right way to Grasp The Troublesome Artwork of Receiving (and Giving) Suggestions

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Wish to hear Sheila’s final look on this program? Have a pay attention to our dialog during which we mentioned three classes of adverse conversations, conveying curiosity with out coming off as condescending, discovering widespread floor amid a disconnect, rewriting the scripts for dangerous apologies, setting behavioral expectations, presenting obstacles as shared issues, blame-absorbers versus blame-shifters, and far more.

#532: Sheila Heen of the Harvard Negotiation Challenge — The right way to Navigate Onerous Conversations, the Delicate Artwork of Apologizing, and a Highly effective 60-Day Problem

What was your favourite quote or lesson from this episode? Please let me know within the feedback.

SCROLL BELOW FOR LINKS AND SHOW NOTES…

SELECTED LINKS FROM THE EPISODE

SHOW NOTES

  • [07:01] Conversations are the connection.
  • [08:12] How ought to we discuss suggestions?
  • [11:16] De-escalating the ask.
  • [13:30] Addressing victim-blaming suggestions for the brand new version of Troublesome Conversations.
  • [28:48] How I’ve handled reader (and proofreader) suggestions.
  • [41:18] Making use of the three sorts of suggestions.
  • [49:05] Acquired troublesome suggestions? Cellphone a pal.
  • [54:36] Discovering /dangerous match early within the relationship recreation.
  • [00:59:30] How I’ve historically dealt with battle and stress.
  • [1:07:50] The conundrum of suggestions’s supply.
  • [1:09:03] Three triggered reactions to suggestions.
  • [1:12:09] The you plus me mixture.
  • [1:20:16] What does decision appear to be?
  • [1:22:52] The Gottman Institute.
  • [1:29:35] Dealing with a relationship’s unresolvable frictions.
  • [1:33:41] The courtship of Sheila’s sister.
  • [1:37:11] A thirst for vindictiveness and different deal breakers.
  • [1:43:31] Studying from the consolation of our strengths.
  • [1:45:43] Perspective from three positions.
  • [1:47:09] The right way to prolong optimistic reinforcement.
  • [1:51:26] Giving suggestions with out beginning a combat.
  • [1:55:12] Asking “one factor” questions as a pacesetter.
  • [1:57:43] Are you conscious of your have to obtain suggestions?
  • [2:02:13] Parting ideas.

MORE SHEILA HEEN QUOTES FROM THE INTERVIEW

“Being an sincere mirror is asking a pal that will help you see what is perhaps proper about this suggestions.”

— Sheila Heen

“We uncovered some proof that means that, when it comes to sensitivity to suggestions, how upset we get and the way lengthy it takes us to get better, that may range by as much as 3,000 p.c.”

— Sheila Heen

“We have now the largest emotional response to the analysis half as a result of we hate being judged. It’s laborious. It’s actually laborious to really feel judged, so we’re fast to listen to it in something.”

— Sheila Heen

“The necessity to give suggestions is a felt drawback. I’ve suggestions for you. I’m carrying it round with myself as a result of I don’t know tips on how to give it to you, or I’ve tried to present it to you and also you’re not taking it. If there’s a e-book that may assist me try this, I might purchase that e-book, and will use some assist. The necessity to obtain suggestions from different people who find themselves carrying it round and never giving it to us is just not essentially a felt drawback. I’m oblivious to it. I’ve combined emotions about it.”

— Sheila Heen

PEOPLE MENTIONED

The Tim Ferriss Present is one of the preferred podcasts on the planet with greater than 900 million downloads. It has been chosen for “Better of Apple Podcasts” 3 times, it’s usually the #1 interview podcast throughout all of Apple Podcasts, and it has been ranked #1 out of 400,000+ podcasts on many events. To hearken to any of the previous episodes without cost, take a look at this web page.