“It’s a present to exist, and with existence comes struggling. There’s no escaping that, however if you’re grateful on your life, then you should be glad about all of it.” ~Stephen Colbert
Life shouldn’t be a warfare; you don’t conquer it, nor do you overcome it. You merely settle for that struggling is an inevitable and essential ceremony of passage on our paths all through life.
Nobody is proof against ache; it is just dished out at completely different ranges, and our personal inner expertise is incomparable. We share comparable human experiences—that’s the tie that binds us all collectively—however we can’t evaluate one’s struggling to the subsequent as a result of we’re all people.
We exist in a world stuffed with duality—gentle and darkness, good and dangerous, proper and mistaken in addition to pleasure and struggling. One can’t survive with out the opposite, so to embrace each wholly and have gratitude for his or her existence is important to maneuver ahead past our exhausting occasions to a spot of peace.
The darkness will at all times be there, however to what diploma we permit it to exist is as much as us. We resolve if it defines us, we resolve if it controls our feelings, and we resolve whether or not we peacefully cohabitate with it.
For years I felt that I had been given an unfair shake in life. I watched and held collectively the folks I like essentially the most after they have been damaged in items on the ground. I gently picked them up and held them collectively till they healed, usually sacrificing myself within the course of.
A few of my life’s challenges have resolved themselves fully, however some struggles will final a lifetime.
My youngest son was recognized with autism at three and a half years outdated. I’m extremely grateful for his existence. I wouldn’t be who I’m with out him. The lifelong advocacy, care, and accountability make you an particularly hardy breed of mom.
I struggled with great guilt for thus lengthy when feeling burdened by his prognosis and the affect it had on our household. Many dad and mom of particular wants youngsters undergo burnout, marriage failures, and melancholy at a a lot larger charge than different dad and mom. It has been a continuing battle for his training and social providers, which created the warrior in me, however the precise to exist in a world that doesn’t respect range shattered my coronary heart.
I struggled for thus lengthy attempting to be much less resentful and extra optimistic. As a lot as attainable, I fought to maintain at bay the deep melancholy and PTSD I carried silently on my shoulders for years. I saved it hidden, as I by no means needed my harmless son to sense my disappointment that life wasn’t what I had anticipated and over how unfair it was to him and to our household.
One morning, I stumbled upon Anderson Cooper’s podcast. Stephen Colbert was a visitor, and Cooper mentioned the lasting affect the loss of life of Cooper’s father and brother had had on him at a younger age. Cooper went on to ask Colbert about one thing he had beforehand mentioned:
“It’s a present to exist, and with existence comes struggling. There’s no escaping that, however if you’re grateful on your life, then you should be glad about all of it.”
Because the interview progressed, Cooper began to cry, as this dialog resonated with him deeply. I replayed this dialog many occasions over and cried much more. It was very obvious that it had moved Cooper emotionally and gave gentle to a topic that had daunted him (and me) for a few years.
How will we come to be at peace with each the hardships in life, particularly when they’re steady, and the higher occasions?
The interplay between these two males was profound, and it impressed me to embrace my ache as a present.
It’s an anointment and a troublesome, valuable job we should all embrace wholeheartedly. Life turns into much more peaceable once we discover a technique to be glad about each the exhausting moments and the enjoyment in our lives.
To exist is to dwell in each realities, and there’s one thing to be gained from each, so we have to honor and respect each equally. One can’t exist with out the opposite. We’d by no means know love if we by no means skilled grief; they’re intrinsically intertwined.
It was a major second for me once I realized this; and it unravelled years of attempting to compartmentalize my darker feelings away from my household and the world.
Seeing my ache as a present enabled me to completely embrace it. It wasn’t about suppressing my feelings or pretending the exhausting issues don’t harm; it was about permitting them to harm with a brand new sense of perspective—recognizing that ache serves a objective, and it means I’m alive.
I began to comprehend that I didn’t need to really feel responsible for being overwhelmed some days. That it’s okay to cry and there’s no disgrace in feeling defeated as a result of acknowledging the exhausting occasions is simply as necessary as celebrating the triumphs.
I felt the energy to push previous these heavy feelings due to the nice in my life. The moments when my son laughs, smiles, or hugs me are so extremely uplifting. These occasions wouldn’t really feel so candy if not for the times once I really feel bodily depleted and mentally misplaced.
I’ve additionally discovered to understand the various items his prognosis has given me. I’d not be the individual I’m right now with out struggling to create this unstoppable warrior, chief, mom, and human rights activist that’s pushed by objective.
It has made me an extremely robust individual mentally, as we now have overcome so many obstacles as a household. I’ve discovered to at all times forge ahead and by no means return; that life is many issues that simply want fixing.
These days, I don’t have to cover my struggles however embrace them and settle for them as part of the grand scheme of life. Recognizing my ache allowed me to launch it as a substitute of burying it in a darkish, inaccessible place solely to develop by the day.
The best reward I bestowed on myself was realizing that I wanted to take a look at life via a special lens by difficult my present beliefs system. My recognized coping mechanism, tucking heavy feelings neatly away behind my thoughts, wasn’t working. I used to be slowly coming aside, and I wanted to redirect.
Listening to the dialog between Colbert and Cooper was the catalyst for change inside me. And with that got here rebirth. I began to slowly open up about my struggles and join with different dad and mom, not as an advocate able to sort out the subsequent battle however as an individual struggling in my every day life with a baby with disabilities.
I felt extra genuine in that I didn’t have to cover my grief; it was okay to not be this impenetrable optimistic fortress 24/7. I felt extra related to different dad and mom in our shared ache, challenges, and celebrating our kids’s achievements. Expressing all of it, not simply the elements I needed to mission out to the world, helped me to dwell in my fact.
There’s a specific sense of freedom in accepting that our hardships are essential elements of our stunning existence. Our ache strengthens us and, collectively, we’re bonded by it. I’m now at peace with all life has given me, and I’m grateful for each second.
About Jackie Honey
Jackie Honey is a humble servant of mindfulness sharing her life experiences. She began writing as method to deal with trauma. It blossomed into an artery of life for her. Her inventive expression and fervour are to share and pay attention.